The Myth of “I Never Wear Makeup”

“What kind of makeup look would you like to wear at the wedding?”

Through the years I have asked countless mothers of the bride and the groom this question and many times I have heard in response: “Oh, I never wear makeup, so whatever…”.  Wrong answer!  

I am here to stand up and say out loud that there are definitely times when every woman must wear makeup and a wedding is one of those times!

Go ahead and pamper yourself!

To say that every bride should wear makeup is a given; no matter how young, sweet and dewy-faced,  the bride needs to wear some makeup.  The facts are simple: the bride is (usually) decked out in a white dress and, at least for the first few hours, is surrounded by a white veil.  Many times even her flowers are white.  That all-white look alone can create a pale and washed-out appearance.

Now take into account the lovely brides who fast on the day of their weddings, the brides who are hyper-sensitive, the ones who are hyper-worried and the ones who are just incredibly nervous.  In most cases the veritable grocery list of wedding circumstances will conspire to produce a pale, washed-out look on any face.  The bride MUST wear makeup – at least a good warm base, a warm or pinkish blush and some lip and eye treatment and a lick of mascara. 

But this article is directed at all the other women of the bridal party, especially the MOTHERS of the BRIDE and the GROOM.

Makeup - lovely makeup!

I don't care if you NEVER wear makeup, I don't care if you didn't wear makeup for your own wedding and I don't care if you didn't wear makeup for your other sons'/daughters' weddings.  It is equally unimportant to me that the wedding is scheduled for the summer/winter rain/snow storm/midnight or noon; on a beach, on a mountain or in an over air-conditioned venue.  The mothers of the bride and groom MUST WEAR MAKEUP.  If you are curious, yes this is written in stone!

Let me explain why:  You must wear makeup for the sake of the symmetry of the wedding pictures.  ‘Symmetry’ you say?  Imagine a photograph showing half the people are wearing only white clothes head to foot and the other half are wearing clothing of all the colors of the rainbow.  The photo will look "off" - something will be not quite right - half the picture will look "alive" and the other half will look washed out.  

It's the same with makeup.  No matter what outfit and hairstyle a woman wears - a woman with makeup will look more awake, more vital and even younger!  Yes, I am talking about facial skin-appropriate makeup, not heavily rouged cheeks and liver-red lips on someone who should wear more muted colors.  

Note that I did not say age-appropriate makeup.  There is no such thing as age-appropriate makeup; except makeup on a 12 year old, who should never, ever, never wear makeup, except some blush and sparkles and only at her Bat Mitzvah party!

I have said time and again: makeup is the art of accentuating and concealing.  Accentuate the features you love and conceal the features you love less. 

What you love:

• Create bright or dramatic eyes with dramatic eye shadows and eye liner if you love your eyes. 
• Create powerful lips with a dark and dramatic lip color if you love your lips.

What you love less:

• Create a soft eye look with muted earth-tone or blush colored eye shadow if you love your eyes less.
• Create barely-there-lips with soft muted lip treatments if you love your lips less.  Keep in mind that if your lips are very narrow or thin, you can create a fuller lip look by using a lip pencil to draw your lip line a bit past your natural line and the fill them in with a same color lipstick!
• Create warm, barely-there cheeks with a lightly dusted muted dusky-pink tone (stay away from harsh orange, red or brown tones) on your cheeks if your love your cheeks less.

What about you jewelry?

Don’t be afraid of your almost-final makeup look. Don'r worry about whether your eyes or lips look too dark.  The only way to really appreciate your finished makeup look is to see yourself fully dressed.  This means you must put on your dress, jewelry, wig or hat (if applicable).  Once you are fully dressed, don't just look in the mirror - take a picture to see how you look in the picture – this is what counts!

And while I am on the subject of pictures:  open your eyes a bit more than you are used to when you take pictures and please smile more than you usually do.  

Remember: A smile will light up your face and create a glow no makeup can accomplish – but makeup will give you a polished look that no smile can create or prolong!

Want to add a 'pop' to your eye makeup?  Consider false eye lashes.  A quality pair of lashes – not too long (no spider lashes!) or too thick – may not make too big a difference to your look "in person", but could make a difference to your appearance in the photographs!

Not sure of the look you want: ask your makeup artist for a trial beauty session; this session is not just for the bride!  Want to know more about a trial beauty session read my article: http:://yochieisner.blogspot.co.il/p/pre-wedding-trial-beauty-session.html

Now we need to talk about the why you don't want to wear makeup and many times that comes from a deeper place.  I truly believe every woman is born with a G-D given right to wear makeup, enjoy wearing makeup and a right to WANT to wear makeup.  I really feel that some women just feel they don't deserve to feel good about themselves or they don’t want people to think they are selfish or vain.  They feel that this is their daughter's/son's day and that the spot light should not be on them.  Or they are too old to bother with makeup or that they are "too far gone" and no amount of makeup can help them or why bother.  I am here to tell you - you could not be more wrong!

You deserve to feel good about yourself, to look into the mirror and not cringe, so that when you look into the camera lens you will not cringe, nor should you cringe when you see the photos.  And you certainly don't want your kids to cringe when they see the photos.

Like shoes, it doesn't matter if you feel overweight, poor, unhappy at work, unhappy in other areas of your life, your face can help make you feel good about yourself.  This is not silliness or selfishness, this is about feeling good about yourself, looking good and succeeding all bundled together into one package.  And let me tell you something, the photographer will treat you better and kinder and your kids will feel better as well! 

If your best friend won't tell you, then let me, YOU HAVE TO WEAR MAKEUP.  

Not happy about your hair?  Think about hair extensions or a less-expensive synthetic wig.  Not happy about your dress or your dress size?  Talk to a stylist and I work with the best Wendy Lehmann!  BUT, let the Kallah Whisperer tell you, if you feel good about your makeup and hair, you will stand taller, look thinner and make better pictures for your kids and grandkids.  

Oh now I brought out the big guns!  Imagine: your grandkids will one day look at the wedding pictures of their parents and see you there and they will say (say it with me) "what a sexy young grandmother I have".  Now, make that appointment with the makeup artist and hairstylist, you know you deserve it!

For more information on this topic and to arrange a bridal beauty consultation or bridal beauty trial session please contact me today.  Visit my site  www.thekallahwhisperer.com 

Did you enjoy my article?  I’d love to hear from you!  Drop me a line or tell me on my facebook page and please feel free to share my blog with a bride and all your friends!

Do you have any questions about Jewish wedding customs, please drop me a line?  Do you want to learn more about brides, weddings and beauty? Please subscribe to my blog. 

The Yichud Room or the Bride and Groom alone at last!

The minhag of the Yichud room, or simply known as “Yichud” is an interesting part of a Jewish wedding.  Yichud is both a "what" and a "where".  

Simply put, this minhag is carried out only by the bride and groom and immediately after the chuppah.  It’s kind of like sending the newly married couple to a deserted island immediately after the chuppah in order to enjoy the quiet of being all alone and together (at least for some ten or fifteen minutes).

There are many explanations for this minhag, including giving the newly married couple absolute privacy after the chuppah and allowing the new couple to share their first intimate moments of married life removed from the throng of family, guests and well-wishers and the whirlwind of the wedding celebration.  I read that it also helps teach the couple that in every situation they must make time to be together alone.

This is largely an Ashkenazi custom, but through the years it has been adopted by many Sephardim, as well.  

Like many other Jewish customs and traditions, Yichud involves a list of semi-formal actions established through the years and are followed by most orthodox Ashkenazi Jews. 

I think it is important for me to point out that the Hebrew word "Yichud" comes from the root for the Hebrew word יחד ‘together’.  In addition, it is important to point out that there is a prohibition for males and females, not closely related by blood (parents, siblings and such) or married, to be in closed/close proximity to prevent any untoward actions. This close proximity is simply described as Yichud.  Among the very orthodox, a couple, prior to their marriage, would not spend any time alone together; therefore the first time they are allowed to be alone together would be in the Yichud room, after the chuppah.

The Yichud room

The room used for Yichud may only have one door/entrance/exit in the room, so that the couple could meet in complete seclusion and they would be seen entering and leaving the room.  Most wedding venues in Israel have a small room or office set aside for this purpose.  In some venues the bride's room, used before the wedding for dressing, doubles as the Yichud room or sometimes it is the manager's office.

Discuss this with your venue in advance of the wedding date, to ensure that they do have a Yichud room or can provide for one and that on the day of the wedding it is cleaned and made presentable with at least a covered table and two chairs.  Request that drink and a light meal be placed in the room prior to the couple entering.  Even if the couple do not fast on their wedding day - the food they eat in this room may be the only "meal" the couple eat that day!

For couples that fast on the day of their wedding, the Yichud room is also the perfect place and the perfect time to break their fast together.  Usually drink and some food saved from the smorgasbord is placed in the room.  The couple is not meant to eat a whole meal at this time, as they (in theory) will eat their meal with all their wedding guests.

How does the couple get to the room?

Customarily the couple is lead, from the chuppah to the room, by an entourage of guests - singing and dancing in front of them.  Usually someone will enter the room first to ascertain that there is only one door to this room and then the couple will enter and then the door is shut behind them. 

The couple will usually stay in this room for about 10-15 minutes.  There is no stop watch here - so it is up to couple how long they stay.  Usually the photographer will wait outside the room and once they are ready to leave - he/she will enter the room and take the first photographs of the couple.  This is also the perfect time for me (the makeup artist/hairstylist) to do any touch ups for the imminent formal photos.   

The time immediately after Yichud is the PERFECT time to take all the posed family and combined family shots (especially if the couple did not see each other for the week before the wedding or the day of the wedding).  Once the family shots are taken, it's time for everyone to reenter the main hall and then the real dancing and celebration begins!

So what is everyone else doing while the couple is in the Yichud room?

While the couple is in Yichud, the guests will enter the dining room and begin the meal - which in Israel is usually a selection of salads already found on the tables and a choice of entrees to be served by the wait staff.

Once the couple enters the main hall, the band goes into high gear and the dancing begins and usually doesn't stop for air until the main part of the meal is served.  Mazal Tov!

Did you enjoy my article?  I’d love to hear from you!  Drop me a line or tell me on my facebook page and please feel free to share my blog with a bride and all your friends!

Do you have any questions about Jewish wedding customs, please drop me a line?  Do you want to learn more about brides, weddings and beauty? Please subscribe to my blog. 

4 Best Kept Grooming Secrets of the FATHER of the Bride (and Groom)!

I always talk about the bride, the mothers of the bride and groom and the ladies of the bridal party, but never talk about the Fathers.  Well it’s time to talk about the BEST KEPT GROOMING SECRETS OF THE FATHER OF THE BRIDE (and groom)!

Nose hairs: Have the hairs in your nose trimmed or plucked.  Do I really have to tell you that nothing looks worse than a close up shot of the bride and her father and his nose hairs?  Have you barber take care of them when you get your pre-wedding hair cut!

Ear hairs:  They may be less offensive than nose hairs, but many men tend to have a LOT of hair growing out of their ears.  Get them tamed and trimmed along with your nose hairs.

Eye brows:  I am not asking you to have your brows styled and waxed.  All I am asking is that overly bushy brows be tamed.  Many men have some very long brow hairs curling all over the place.  Have these hairs trimmed and your brows combed.  If you have a unibrow (one thick brow line from eye to eye), this could be the perfect time to create two brows, by having a few hairs plucked above the bridge of your nose.

Shirts:  There are two simple rules regarding men’s shirts: they should be clean and fit correctly.  These seemingly easy rules can somehow be forgotten in the fray of the wedding preparations.  If you tend to sweat a lot, please bring an extra shirt to the venue; perspiration stains are not a pretty sight in wedding photos!  

Make sure your shirt fits you correctly: not too tight or too loose.  Just think of Goldilocks and have them fit “just right”.  This means you are able to move and sit with ease and not be afraid that your shirt will split open or the buttons will fly off if you move.

Think of your daughter (or son) and the wedding photos that will LAST FOREVER!

Did you enjoy my article?  I’d love to hear from you!  Drop me a line or tell me on my facebook page and please feel free to share my blog with a bride and all your friends!

Do you have any questions about Jewish wedding customs, please drop me a line?  Do you want to learn more about brides, weddings and beauty? Please subscribe to my blog.