Are you really too busy for your own wedding? Part III – Selecting Vendors – The Photographer

This is the third in a series of articles on planning your own wedding and preventing yourself from falling into the trap of thinking you don’t have the time to do so.


In Part I I talked about the Venue and in Part II, the Budget; now I would like to discuss how to intelligently select your vendors. In this case specifically the photographer.


The photographer and the Band


I believe that the two most important wedding-related vendors are the photographer and the band; and in that order! You may shoot me, but all brides are beautiful and all gowns are white (let's not quibble over shades of white, off-white, eggshell, baby white, ecru and –white-white, this is a actual color). The gown will be forgotten in a week (unless some catastrophe occurred to the gown during the ceremony or the dinner); the food will become legend if it was too terrible for words or too good to forget, otherwise it will be forgotten by breakfast the next day.


In this article I will discuss the ins and outs of dealing with the photographer. The band deserves an article all its own.


The photographer will capture moments you were not aware of; people who years from now will only be memories and portray you and your guests in a moment that I once heard described as "you'll never be as young as you are today." Along with the band, the photographer is one of the most important service vendors at your wedding. Take your time to select the right one. Skimp on other items, do not skimp on the photographer. Having said this - this is not an invitation to spend insane amounts of money on the wedding photography without good reason or purpose.


Chemistry


I believe that after the photographer's proven skill, the chemistry (or lack of it) between the couple and the photographer is the second most important factor in selecting one. For all intents and purposes you are marrying the photographer. For the five hours of the wedding and the period of time needed to select the final photography and video and until you receive the finished albums, stills and videos you are attached to the photographer – for better and for worse.


Get names of photographers from friends who have recently married – get references from happy couples and also get the names of photographers from hell (knowing whom you should steer clear of is as important as knowing who is good). Compile your lists (of whom you are interested in hiring and whom you would only hire if all the photographers on earth were wiped out in a flood) and then start letting you fingers do the work.


While you check out photographers' websites, look at friends' albums and videos; think about your own wedding style.


Your wedding style


I've spoken about a wedding style in the earlier blog articles. Is your wedding a formal affair, country/laid back, shanty and anything in between? Your wedding style will influence the photography style, as well of course the final product (albums and video). The level of orthodoxy also enters into this picture, as many photographers will offer a female photographer for the women's side of the dancing and so on.


Then ask yourselves: what types of photographs would you enjoy seeing in your wedding album? Black and white shots, sepia shots, formal portraits, all un-posed, a mixture of all the above? Once again, look at the websites of your candidates and see what appeals to you. Don't ignore wedding photography web sites of photographers not in your geographical area or budget; use the ideas you find there to show your candidate(s) what you are interested in.


You must also find out what is the 'going rate' for photography packages .


Budget


Good photographers are expensive, which is why I believe that this is an expense you should not skimp on. Understand the market and find the very best photographer for your budget. Don't be tempted to use the neighbor's son unless he really does have the requisite experience you require. It's nice to give someone a chance to break in to the industry- but I would warmly recommend that you do your 'mitzvahs' on anniversaries and bar mitzvahs and not weddings. New photographers many times work with more experienced photographers on wedding gigs, but in this situation there is backup, supervision and responsibility on the experienced photographer.


Compare, compare, compare prices of photographers and wedding package deals before you hire.


How to interview a photographer


When you call to make an appointment with a photographer, pay attention to how he talks to you on the phone. I believe that someone who is unfriendly or curt on a first phone call will not be the person you want to work with when you are in the midst of the wedding.


In his studio, examine his posed and unposed shots: are they 'alive', do they portray the little moments? – small cousins, nieces and nephews dancing in a corner; a dance with the grandmothers; the gazes of the kallah's friends as she walks toward the chuppah and so on. How are his posed shots? Are the groups well focused and assembled? How are the pictures presented – in both interesting and standard angles (too many tricks and angles is as bad as too few).


Are there shots of dancing? Eating? Flash dancing? Don’t accept the line that these kinds of shots (or any that you are interested in) are missing because "the couple did not order them"; he's the photographer, he can create any album he wants for himself.


Make sure the photographer understands your wedding style and has experience handling your kind wedding. When discussing your wedding style, take into account:


• level of religiosity and how it impacts on the entire wedding


• venue (this is especially important if you plan a wedding ceremony on a beach or a non-traditional area that may have unusual needs)


• special needs guests (handicapped issues)


Make sure the photographer speaks your language, no joke. If you do not speak Hebrew, the photographer must speak English. Arguments after the wedding about why a moment wasn't captured and claims that he didn’t understand you - will not bring back the moment.


Ask questions! Make sure that the photographer you interview is the one who will photograph your wedding. See his reactions and how comfortable or uncomfortable you feel with him.


I have seen photographers yell at guests, push guests out of the way to get a shot, miss shots because he did not understand the wedding schedule (one photographer actually missed the badekin, granted it was in the States and out of the New York area) and another did not know where to look and shoot with circles of non-stop dancing all around him (once again a US-out of New York disaster).


Make sure you LOVE this guy before you sign on the dotted line!


Video


Does the photographer offer video services in his package deal? Is the videographer part of his team or a freelancer? Make sure you understand these points before you hire. You may be able to hire separate venders – I warmly recommend against this as you are then dealing with two entities and you have enough to deal with.


Check out the video examples both in his studio and get a link to view at home. See if you like his work, lighting, settings. Check out some of the videographer's cut and uncut wedding video versions.


What do you want? What is he offering? What is a waste of money?


At his studio have him explain and show – in detail:


1. The type of albums he creates/offers.


2. Prints and parents' albums he provides.


3. The types of videos he provides.


4. Understand the package deal(s) he offers.


Time was when you a photographer talked in terms of hundreds of shots. Today the photographer /videographer will talk in terms of number of hours he provides in his package deal and how much he will charge for 'over time'.


Time was when the photographer provided the couple with their album and the parents' smaller-version albums, as well as all the proofs and the negatives (this was considered a true bonus!). Today the couple should get the wedding album, two smaller albums for the parents (album size from pocket size to near A4 size albums), file of all the shots and two versions of the wedding video, the uncut four to five hour opus and the half-an-hour reception-bedekin-chuppah-dancing version.


Get specific information on:


1. Find out what kind of photography team he suggests for your wedding size: number of camera men, light men and videographers.


2. What time the photographer and team will arrive and leave the venue.


3. Estimated timing for pre-wedding photography of the bride and groom. This session is usually at another venue and travel time to and from the site needs to be included in the scheduling. This is especially important if the bride and groom will not be seeing each other before the wedding, as two separate photography sessions are need to be calculated into the scheduling.


4. Find out:


a. when you will receive a file of all the photographs so you can select shots for your albums.
Then
b. find out delivery date for the finished albums; this should be no longer than a month and half to two months for a digital album.


Get everything in writing.


Now let's discuss what you don't need
Camera on a Crane


You don't need a camera on a crane ("matz'lemah meofefet" in the vernacular). I repeat you do not need a camera on a crane unless you are planning to be married in a sports stadium with thousands of guests. I have been to a wedding with the infamous crane and all it does is make maneuvering the venue a nightmare and create a potential danger zone for small kids, older adults and anyone wanting to move freely around the venue (that about covers everyone). This mechanical marvel is touted as the best way to get the best shots from any angle – nonsense it is unwieldy and unfriendly and expensive.


Enlarged photographs for framing


For some reason photographers are still offering enlarged photographs for framing in their wedding packages. Forget it. Once you have the complete file of wedding pictures, select one you like and then enlarge it and print it as you like (on canvas or any other print option available today).


At the Wedding


Before the wedding, assign someone you trust to liaison with the photographer (and the band for that matter) throughout the wedding. This person will be responsible to ensure that specific people/events are photographed and also be the 'go to' person for any questions. This person will know who Uncle Chaim is and know to look for Cousin Lou smoking outside, when he should be posing for a photo. Give this person a list of the photos you want and let him or her run around.


Make sure the photographer takes a picture of every table. The bride and groom do not have to be present for each of these photos. It would be wonderful if they were, but many a table pictures are missed because of an absent bride and groom and there is no reason for this.


Make sure that there is a band-photographer table for these folks to take a break, drink and perhaps eat something.


It ain't over yet


The wedding maybe over, but you are not finished with the photographer yet. Or should I say he is not finished with you yet. You still need to select the pictures for the album. Be kind to your photographer and select your photos as soon as possible. The sooner you do your job, the sooner your photographer can finish his job and you can get your albums!


By the way, you can create your own wedding album both from online sites and many print shops in your city. I don't really see any advantage in this DIY project, as you may not save any money, will have no one to blame but yourselves when you have not even selected the shots for the album a year after the wedding and the never-ending list of graphic and print possibilities will just confuse you. Don't be tempted to do this yourself.


Just select the best pictures you can, email the photo list to your photographer and get on with your lives. Trust me on this!


Remember just smile pretty for the camera!

Are you really too busy for your own wedding? Part II – The Budget

In Part I of my series, "Are you really too busy for your own wedding?", I discussed the issues involved in finding the right venue and the very-short-comings of so-called wedding planning services and their feeble attempts to 'help' you find a venue. Now I want to talk about The Budget; perhaps two of the most frightening and daunting words in the whole wedding process.


Don't start with budget!


You may think I want to tackle the budget issue from the very obvious angle that you must have some kind of budget or idea of a budget in order to plan any event, whether it is as massive as a wedding or as simple as a dinner party. This is a given. What I want to discuss is why revealing or providing budget information to a wedding planning company too early in the planning process, may interfere with your getting the wedding of your dreams (that's good dreams, not nightmares).


Don't get me wrong, I believe that you need to know your budget, but your wedding planner does not; at least not at the initial meeting. Once this information is in his grubby little hands - his attitude towards you, your intended and your whole wedding project may change drastically. His enthusiasm towards your wedding may cool substantially, once he realizes that he will not get the big cut (or percentage) he envisioned when you entered his office.


Check out the fine print


There are several caveats here:


1) If you can't afford an extra 'planning/managing' fee, then it goes that you can’t afford a planner and are, therefore you are not too busy to arrange your own wedding. So get this whole wedding planner idea out of your heads and start working.


2) If intend to pay your planner a fee (percentage of the total wedding or flat fee), then this amount should be calculated into the budget from the onset.


3) Wedding planning companies commonly advertise that they do not 'charge' a fee. This is a misconception (I would call it an outright lie), these companies like to perpetuate. I saw the contract for one of these companies. They do charge a fee; it is 'merely hidden' in clauses. According to the business model of the wedding planning company I know, the couple pays the company all the wedding fees for all the services it has engaged through the company and – get this – once the wedding is OVER - the company then pays the service providers minus its own service charge.


This is very worrying as you pay the wedding planning company before the event and they pay the providers after the event. You sign the contracts with all the providers. It was a worrying thought that this company can get all your money and then abscond without paying the service providers.


The caveat here: always see a contract or draft of the contract agreement before you get into any working relationship with this company (or anyone for that matter).


By the way, the company I dealt with did not want to provide me with a contract, or a sample contract before I formally hired them. I told them that I wouldn't hire them without seeing a contract in advance. Needless to say, I saw the contract and did not hire them.


Now back to discussing the Budget.


The Budget should and does comes up in the initial meeting, when discussing the parameters of your wedding: venues, budget (many times 'budget' is number one on the list), number of guests, geographical area of venue and other needed wedding vendors (makeup and hair, invitations, band, photographer and the like).


Full disclosure is for lawyers, not brides and grooms


Let's discuss budget for a moment. This has to be one of the most fundamental and significant elements of wedding planning. However, when you begin with money, you have nowhere to go and no place to move. If a planning company asks about budget do not answer this question, you will be pigeon-holed into a certain framework that most salespeople will not have the experience or ability to work their way out of.


Rather tell them that you will build the budget around your needs, rather than your needs around the budget. You will also get a better idea about the company's contacts and 'deals' they can offer you.


Work this backwards (even if you know your budget to the shekel, pound, dollar or yen!); discuss your wish list/needs: time of year (see my article on Winter Weddings), number of guests, venue type (garden, hall, etc and see my article on Venues) and geographical area. Then you can work out a nearly realistic budget based on these four parameters that will either get you to rethink your budget, your wish list or both.


Remember you are under no obligation to give them full disclosure at this initial meeting. The wedding planning company we met provided us with a (not very comprehensive) list of venues based on the parameters above and my willingness to say that I would not pay an excessive amount for per dinner plate.


Remember service providers (wedding or otherwise) are supposed to have your best interests at heart – because as I see it – your best interest can then be translated into the best interests (fees and call backs/referrals) of the service providers.

Are you really too busy for your own wedding? Part I – The Venue

Here is the first in a series of articles on planning your own wedding and preventing yourself from falling into the trap of thinking you don’t have the time to do so.

I have a bone to pick with the so-called wedding planning companies that have sprung up both in cyber space and in office space. I make a very clear distinction between these wedding planning companies (let's call them wpcs) and wedding planners (I count myself as part of this latter group). Peeling back all the hype, wpcs provide lists of services and wedding planners provide real services.

I had a short and not very satisfying experience with two such companies: one in an office space and one in cyber space. Each was tasked with helping us find a venue for my son's wedding. Each asked basic questions but in the end both provided a list of choices. Nothing more.

When we visited the venue choices it was obvious that neither company:


1) investigated the sites: one site was too small for our small wedding of 200 guests. After visiting the venue, I called the company immediately and told them that the venue was too small. The answer I received was that that 200 people could indeed fit into this venue. When I retorted that 200 people could also fit into my living room, the company rep just laughed and reluctantly admitted he never actually saw the place himself.


2) in some cases the company never contacted the sites before I had ( to arrange a meeting/tour of the venue). This became evident when I called the venue to arrange the meeting or when I mentioned that we were supposed to get a 'special company price' and the venue knew anything about a special price. Again once I told the company about the discrepancy, they told me they would 'look into it'.


These companies also claimed that they knew all the venues that would be suited for us in a certain geographical area. Again this was false. Once again, when I told the companies that I found many other venues (not on their list); their answers were at best an attempt to say that they did not have connections with ALL the venues in our area (not what the company claimed at our first and only meeting).


No one has the luxury of 'not having the time to plan your own wedding'. Do not let a wedding planning company try to convince you that your wedding deserves less of your time and effort than would a dinner date.


Want to find a venue?


A. Use the following parameters to begin to narrow your search, without ever leaving your home or your slippers.


Parameters to help you narrow your search:


1) Time of year: Season/month(Some venues are summer only garden venues)


2) Geographical location: Area/city


3) Venue type: garden venue, garden+hall venue, hall venue


4) Number of guests: (Some venues are designed for very large or small weddings. Most venues have minimum guest attendance rules for certain seasons and certain days of the week)


5) Basic wedding style: (Religious, mixed, formal, informal and the like)


B. Now just key in venue names  in http://www.d.co.il/ for your desired cities in your geographical area.


Now make sure your venue has a license to run a venue. Check out:


http://www.moin.gov.il/officeunits/buildingsupervisionnationalunit/pages/ganeyiruim.aspx


Most of your search response list will include links to the venue's sites. Check out the sites and make a list of the most likely venues.


C. With the information from your parameter list above, call each venue and discuss your needs. Begin to arrange meetings for your close wedding party. When arranging a meeting, get the name of the person you will meet, as well as a direct mobile number.


Try to visit each venue during an event, preferably a wedding. So you can see much more than just the physical layout of the venye, but also how responsive the venue is to the event and the guests.


I warmly recommend that the bride, groom and someone who has arranged a wedding in the past visit each venue.


If you can, try to visit two venues in an evening.


All venues look the same


After you have visited your third venue, all the venues begin to look and smell the same. With this in mind I attach a venue assessing form (in both English and Hebrew) to help you assess each venue as you visit it and then help you compare the venues at the end of the process.
Venue Comparison Form English

Venue Comparison Form Hebrew


Having problems downloading my forms?  Email me.

Use these forms as an inspection list of items to examine while you are in the venue and then complete the form as soon as you are in the parking lot. Once you have seen about as many venues as you can stand, you can review them with the help of these forms and come to an informed decision.


Stay tuned for other installments of "Are you really too busy for your own wedding?"

Is Winter the new Summer ? Winter Weddings: What you should know before you plan a winter wedding

Time was that weddings took place in the summer, somewhere between Lag B'Omer and Rosh Ha'Shanah – taking a break for the Three Weeks. We never had to worry about rain or snow ruining an event. We just wondered how hot and dry or hot and sticky the chuppah would be – depending on where the wedding took place.


Time was that winter weddings were for those who needed to save a lot of money or simply could not wait for the summer wedding season. Today winter has become the new summer and winter weddings abound. As summer weddings bring their own brand of problems, especially if you have a Friday mid-morning-afternoon wedding, which I discussed in an earlier article; winter brings its own brand of surprises, usually thanks to the vagaries of mother-nature.


First of all, it's time to realize that winter weddings are no longer unbelievably cheap. The price difference may be 5% to 10% less, and while every shekel is important for your overall budget, the per-person cost is no longer half of the summer rate.


Most venues however have remained flexible with many other issues, such as minimum number of guests on certain nights (for instance, the all-popular Thursday night), menu selection and the like.


Next let's look at venues. Most couples and I might add, most guests, prefer an outdoor or outdoor-indoor venue – better known as the 'Gan Eruim" – garden event venue. In general, these garden venues have more breathing room for the guests to move around and mingle during the pre-chuppah reception, space for the chuppah, as well as, in general, a reasonably large area for the dinner/dancing part of the evening. These garden venues are multi-seasonal and are equipped to handle just about all Israeli weather situations. During the last rain storm, one of the venues (in the center of the country) did cancel a wedding some four-five hours before it was scheduled to be held (story reported in the news with an interview with the not-very-happy bride and groom), but this was extreme case. I know that others venues held their simchas as planned on that day.


In general the garden venue will have an open or semi open (with an awning or tent structure) area for the reception, an open chuppah and then an enclosed structure, usually a glass and wood structure for the dinner and dancing.


Let's take a look at the tented reception area. In the winter, the overhead covering obviously is a precaution against rain, but in general this area maybe only heated by free-standing kerosene lamps. Rarely are these areas heated or temperature controlled as the dinner/dancing areas. This means that as the first guests arrive the area is a bit (or very) chilled, but as people begin to mill around and to attack the Hors d'Oeuvres, they in general warm themselves. Keep in mind that older guests should have an indoor place where they can sit comfortably and warmly, usually in the enclosed dinner/dancing area. Always have in hand a shawl and or coat for yourselves and your older guests. A shawl should also be available for the kallah – especially if she is fasting. I have seen some kallahs go for the white, faux-fur lined wraps/shawls that more or less 'match' their dresses.


Keep in mind however, that a tented reception area is just as important, or in some cases, maybe even more important for a simcha held during a very hot summer evening. And our summer is a lot longer and hotter than our short rainy season.


I have also noticed a trend of using artificial grass on outdoor areas, especially in indoor/outdoor venues. This grass is not only 'water-friendly' in our rain starved environment, it also ensures a year-round clean look and feel to a venue.


The chuppah in the winter. That sentence still strikes dread in the hearts of many a bride and groom. Will it rain or won't it? Will it be too cold for guests to stand around outside for the duration of the ceremony. Many venues have a stand-by, just-in-case, indoor chuppah ready and waiting or an area where a chuppah can be setup some two-to-three hours before the chuppah is set to start. Most venues are very flexible about where the chuppah will take place. And as with many other wedding details, guests are blissfully unaware of these last minute changes, as the transfer from outdoor to indoor chuppah is usually smooth. I have heard of Rabbis who insist on outdoor chuppahs. I have also seen outdoor chuppahs that can be viewed on close-circuit TV for those of the guests who choose to stay indoors. This is a long-standing style, especially in chasedeche weddings where the throng is just too big for the venue and has been going on for many, many years.


So while winter may be the 'new' summer and most venues are able to handle last-minute weather changes, you need to make sure that YOUR venue manager is open about how the hall will deal with these changes and what your options are.


Talk to your venue manager and get the details in writing.