The Jewish wedding is actually a series of small ceremonies strung together like a string of pearls. From the bedeken and the bride circling the groom under the chuppah, to the breaking of the glass and so many others, each ceremony is infused with tradition and meaning, as they have been included, embellished and developed through the centuries and within the Jewish communities around the world.
Many of
these traditions involve
commemorating the destruction of Jerusalem and both Batay Ha’Mikdash. One of these traditions, especially
amongst Ahskenazi Jews, is to put a small dot of ashes on the forehead of the
groom (where the Tefilin is placed), just before the chuppah. Some put on the ashes and then gently
wipe them off, so that just a smudge of the ashes is left.
I have
also heard that there is a minhag to place ashes on the forehead of the bride, but I have never seen
this. I guess the idea of ruining a very
expensive wedding dress (not to mention makeup), has discouraged the widespread acceptance
of this minhag.
As the
ashes are put on the groom’s forehead, some recite the line:
If I forget thee, O Jerusalem, let my right
hand wither
אם
אשכחך ירושלים תשכח ימיני
The use
of ashes embraces an interesting use of a kind of dual symbolism. On one hand, the
use of ashes has always represented an open expression of sadness and loss.
This is the reason for the minhag that some people place ashes on their
foreheads to signify the death of a relative or even at the time of a community
disaster (see Migilat Esther). This
minhag was then brought into the wedding traditions to symbolize the destruction
of Jerusalem.
On the
other hand, another interesting aspect of the ashes minhag at weddings is the
idea of “counteracting” the Ayin Harah or not casting an evil eye. In fact, many of the minhagim of mourning were
‘borrowed’ for the wedding celebration in an effort to “confuse” the evil
spirits into thinking that the wedding was really a funeral and so prevent them
for ruining the happiness of the occasion.
There
is even a minhag of the bride and groom emptying out their pockets before the
chuppah; reminiscent of the pocket-less kitel or shroud worn by the dead.
The kitel itself was brought into the wedding traditions and worn by the
groom, which is yet again another example of this dual symbolism.
Interestingly,
the Sephardi Jews took the idea of sadness or bitterness in another
direction. They used to place a wreath
of olive branches on the groom’s head (and sometimes the bride’s head, as well). The bitterness of the olives, once
again, represented the bitterness of the destruction of the Batay Ha’Mikdash.
No
matter what the minhag, the central idea is always the same: even during our
happiest moments, there is always sadness.
As the
New Year approaches may we all be zoche to see the rebuilding of the Beit Ha’Mikdash
in our generation.
שיבנה בית המקדש במהרה בימינו
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